What is an Incomplete Attachment and what does it look like? One only needs to look at any child, adolescent or adult on the autism spectrum continuum to answer this question. The behaviors one sees with such individuals seem to be confusing and do not make sense. No two individuals with autism seem similar or manifest the same behaviors. If one thinks about autism from the perspective of an Incomplete Attachment then the developmental delays and the children will make sense.

From this perspective, the child has not had the benefit of a completed attachment. As all infants, he is born into the unconscious ready to be brought out in relationship to the caregiver, but this does not happen. Why this child does not develop an attachment will be unique to that particular child. It is not the fault of the child or the caregivers. Because of the Incomplete Attachment the child remains in a waiting state of existence. He or she is waiting for a completed attachment. Thus the behaviors that one sees in the child with autism are the result of not having had a completed attachment. The behaviors are what can be called coping and state of existence behaviors. Each child will cope differently to the circumstance and thus will have different behaviors as compared to another child. A key point to mention is that because of the Incomplete Attachment the child is left without the ability to use herself both in body (lacks self-agency) and mind (lacks theory of mind). The ability to use one’s self will vary from child to child. Some children will be more conscious of themselves and thus have more access to use themselves in relationship to others. Thus we have a continuum of ability, which is typically known as the functioning level of the individual on the spectrum (low functioning, high functioning and Aspergers).

To explain it in a little more depth, the behaviors one sees in individuals with autism are unconscious behaviors that have been dissociated or separated within the child. It is like the child is of two minds, the conscious mind and the unconscious mind. This is true of all human beings. Within the child with autism he is more dissociated and split from his emotions than others who appear to develop typically. Because of an Incomplete Attachment, he has not had the benefit of integrating those parts that are dissociated. Dissociation does not give us the complete picture. From a broader perspective, one can say that the child on the autism continuum has a lack of a completed attachment, has a dissociated sense of self, has developed coping mechanisms to manage the situation, is unable to use one’s self in relationship to others, seems to lack the knowledge of his own emotions and is unable to access those dissociated emotions and finally uses indirect mechanisms to grow in relationship to others. The treatments that seem to help this population are actually helping the child to become more and more conscious and integrated as a human being. Below is a table that compares the developing child with autism to the developing typical child.

Difference Between the Typical Child and a Child with Autism

Typical Child

On a continuum – from partial sense of self to a well integrated sense of self

Attachment has occurred

Ability to use oneself to get needs met. The degree that the individual can do this will vary widely

Knowledge and ability to know one’s emotional feelings

On a continuum has access to use one’s emotions in response to the other

Transference occurs in the relationship in a way that is typically understood online indian pharmacy

Can use the relationship to grow

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The feeling of being angry, is a normal emotion for all people. This includes individuals who have autism. The problem of feeling mad or angry, is how to manage this normal emotion that can be out of control, which can make it become abnormal?

Autistic children may show their emotion of being angry in the same way as individuals who do not have the disorder. You as parent(s), or caregivers(s) must teach your child how to manage the emotion of being mad/angry.

It would be an excellent plan for you to teach your child to recognize that he or she can solve the problem of becoming angry and manage the anger.

For example,

• When you see or experience your child being upset with anger, tell him or her, to think about their choices they have.
• Tell them they could walk away from the situation.
• They could count to ten.
• Tell them to relax and try to think about what is going on.
• Some feelings of anger indicate harm to the spirit, just as bruises indicate harm to the body. Feelings should not be ignored, but they can be managed and redirected in a healthy way.
• Your child could ask the question “why are you angry at me?“

Therefore, anger is and indicator that brings forth awareness enabling us to recognize the condition that is present. Anger should be dealt with, and managed to keep it from being out of control.

Your child with the disorder of autism can be taught how to choose and identify their choices, when they are being challenged or in an angry state of being provoked. This depends on their age and the level of autism. But, with patience and practice, they can be taught what to do, if they are in an angry situation, and how to relate to it.

1. It is wise to tell your child to use good listening skills, to make sure they know what to do.
2. Give your child choices as what to do in an angry situation for them to manage it, depending on what caused it.

For example, the following situations could, or might require choices to manage the anger that is displayed.

• If another child called your child a name that was not a “nice” name.
• A sibling or friend of your child broke one his or her toys.
• You as a parent(s), caregiver(s), will not allow your child to attend a special function.

In time, your child with the disorder of autism, will learn, or try to make choices to solve the problem of being angry and it will create a healthy and better environment.

Small talk is one of the most difficult social skills that a child with Autism can learn. It is one of the most difficult skills for many children can learn. The ability to make interesting, non-confrontation conversation with anyone is really a skill to be admired.

The small talk must also be appropriate to the time and place. It is also helpful if it fits in with what the other children are talking about. Although some small talk can be used to start a new topic if the child with Autism can find the right time.

There are some strategies that are fairly easy to start with in the beginning. A parent will want to encourage their child in any appropriate efforts to make small talk so they will experience success. That will need to lead to a discussion about using small talk with friends and acquaintances.

One of the strategies to teach children with Autism small talk is to help them come up with some stock phrases or questions to use. A stock question can be something as simple as asking someone with a watch what time it is. A stock phrase can be something as simple as saying yes or nodding in agreement.

These are just a small example of ways to help children with Autism feel included in what is going on with their peers. This helps their self esteem and helps peers see them as contributing to the discussion.

The stock question and the stock answer can be used with a non-verbal child with a disability as well. When trying to get a child to use an assistive technology device whether a single button or several buttons stock phrases can encourage children to use it.

Parents and professionals want to program something useful into a voice output device. Unfortunately that means something useful to us. Like needing to eat or go to the bathroom. How boring that could be to a child with Autism.

If we program a stock phrase into the device it opens up the possibility of going to anyone and pressing the button. There are not many people who I might want to say something about the bathroom to but a lot of people I could ask the time.