What is an Incomplete Attachment and what does it look like? One only needs to look at any child, adolescent or adult on the autism spectrum continuum to answer this question. The behaviors one sees with such individuals seem to be confusing and do not make sense. No two individuals with autism seem similar or manifest the same behaviors. If one thinks about autism from the perspective of an Incomplete Attachment then the developmental delays and the children will make sense.

From this perspective, the child has not had the benefit of a completed attachment. As all infants, he is born into the unconscious ready to be brought out in relationship to the caregiver, but this does not happen. Why this child does not develop an attachment will be unique to that particular child. It is not the fault of the child or the caregivers. Because of the Incomplete Attachment the child remains in a waiting state of existence. He or she is waiting for a completed attachment. Thus the behaviors that one sees in the child with autism are the result of not having had a completed attachment. The behaviors are what can be called coping and state of existence behaviors. Each child will cope differently to the circumstance and thus will have different behaviors as compared to another child. A key point to mention is that because of the Incomplete Attachment the child is left without the ability to use herself both in body (lacks self-agency) and mind (lacks theory of mind). The ability to use one’s self will vary from child to child. Some children will be more conscious of themselves and thus have more access to use themselves in relationship to others. Thus we have a continuum of ability, which is typically known as the functioning level of the individual on the spectrum (low functioning, high functioning and Aspergers).

To explain it in a little more depth, the behaviors one sees in individuals with autism are unconscious behaviors that have been dissociated or separated within the child. It is like the child is of two minds, the conscious mind and the unconscious mind. This is true of all human beings. Within the child with autism he is more dissociated and split from his emotions than others who appear to develop typically. Because of an Incomplete Attachment, he has not had the benefit of integrating those parts that are dissociated. Dissociation does not give us the complete picture. From a broader perspective, one can say that the child on the autism continuum has a lack of a completed attachment, has a dissociated sense of self, has developed coping mechanisms to manage the situation, is unable to use one’s self in relationship to others, seems to lack the knowledge of his own emotions and is unable to access those dissociated emotions and finally uses indirect mechanisms to grow in relationship to others. The treatments that seem to help this population are actually helping the child to become more and more conscious and integrated as a human being. Below is a table that compares the developing child with autism to the developing typical child.

Difference Between the Typical Child and a Child with Autism

Typical Child

On a continuum – from partial sense of self to a well integrated sense of self

Attachment has occurred

Ability to use oneself to get needs met. The degree that the individual can do this will vary widely

Knowledge and ability to know one’s emotional feelings

On a continuum has access to use one’s emotions in response to the other

Transference occurs in the relationship in a way that is typically understood online indian pharmacy

Can use the relationship to grow